I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
