i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
