1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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