Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
