i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
