I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
