I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
