im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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