i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
