have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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