My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
