I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
