I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
