just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
