the day after is always just damage control
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
