I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
