Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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