? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
