There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
