a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can I color on your dick again?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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