this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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