I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
