Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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