Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
