Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
