I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
