we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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