I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
