I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You took a bar mat shot.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
