3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
