I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
