it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
