yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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