I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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