They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A bitchslap is in order.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
