I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
