ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
