Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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