i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
