i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
