Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
