Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
