Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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