Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
