A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
