I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
