it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
