Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
