what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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