brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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