Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
