You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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